Sneaky Me

I crawl under the radar like a soldier on hands and knees, creeping slowly, hoping no one will notice as I pass by. It's working. Mwahaha

Can't buy happiness

Today was a nearly perfect day. :) Nothing in particular made it so. In fact, it had all the workings of a dreadful day, but somehow I'm completely content right now.

Happiness

You know those moments when everything is so perfect that you wish you could freeze time and just stay there forever? I had several of those moments this weekend. :)

KesRob

You are more beautiful to me than you will ever realize. Thank you for being a friend, a mentor, an example, and a surrogate sister. Someday I hope I can look at the person I've become and see a bit of you looking back at me. Forever strong, that's who you are.

An Adventure With My Girls

Today my friend was telling me why I'm her favorite person. She said:

Girl, have you looked in the mirror lately? You're funny!

I know she meant them as two separate thoughts, but I couldn't stop from busting up.

At least 200 times in the last two weeks... no joke.

Do you ever have a song that you just listen to over and over again? Recently, mine's been "Dear Moon" by the Blue Aces. You don't know how much it means to me.

On life and death

It's just a bug. Just a little beetle. Just an insignificant little thing.

Then why do I feel so sad?

Last night I got to bed rather late (about 4 am). When I finally made it in to my room, I closed the windows, dropped the blinds, and plopped on my bed, falling asleep within just a few minutes of hitting the pillow. This morning I woke up, talked to my roommate, took care of a few things, the went to open my window. I pulled up on the blinds, slid the window open, and looked down in horror as I saw a tiny little beetle lying splayed on his back where the blinds used to be.
His poor little legs were wriggling like he was in some horrible pain, and he looked like he wanted to run away, so I quickly grabbed a scrap of paper and helped flip him so his feet could touch the ground. That just made things worse. I didn't realize until then that one (maybe two?) of his legs were missing, so instead of getting up and scampering away like I hoped he would, he just spun in circles; half his body was dragging against the ground because he had no leg on that side, but the other half was frantically trying to save itself, resulting in a sickening spinning.
I realized what must have happened: this poor little beetle was minding his own business, crawling along my open window ledge, when suddenly my blinds slammed down on him mid-stride. He had been pinned like that all night, and probably lost the leg(s) trying to escape. I felt so bad.
I was getting ready to squash him to put him out of his misery when he collapsed completely. I sat and watched sadly as his legs went from thrashing frantically to barely moving at all, then curling up under his body in complete stillness. I stayed with him as he passed, praying that God would be quick about taking his little beetle spirit up quickly so my tiny little friend wouldn't have to suffer any more. When I noticed that he hadn't moved for a few minutes, and didn't even twitch away when I blew gently on him, I found a picture I drew a couple of days ago, rolled it up and taped it closed. Then I scooped his little body into the make-shift tube of a coffin and walked out onto the front lawn of my apartment complex. I knelt by the planter box and dug a little hole with my fingers. When it was deep enough, I gave the beetle one final walk around the front area so he could remember what it was like to be outside, then I gently placed the little casket in the hole, covered it up with dirt, and walked away.

He was just a bug. Just a tiny little beetle. Just an insignificant little guy.

But I feel so bad.

(For those of you who don't understand the title, it's "my life is less than average." haha)

Here's why:

I'm a decent cook. I'm not going to lie and say I'm great. I'm not even going to say I'm really good. Nope. I'm decent. I make food that is good, flavorful, and usually at least somewhat healthy. Conversely, I am NOT a bad cook at all. It's pleasant and edible, just not anything you're going to write about in your journal.

But here's the thing: something about dinner group makes all my food turn out horribly. Recipes I've been doing "all my life" suddenly turn out horribly wrong. Everything tastes slightly less than mediocre (but is thankfully at least not poisonous). I don't know what it is about cooking for more than just 2 or 3 people, but I am a TERRIBLE dinner group cook. I feel so bad for my dinner groupies.

The only plus of this is I'm learning to be VERY humble.

Surriously

This is how my literature class goes:

2 hour lecture on Monday... "ok, be sure to read the Epic of Gilgamesh for Wednesday!"
300ish pages later...
2 hour lecture on Wednesday... "ok, be sure to read the first third of the Iliad for Friday!"
300 pages later...
2 hour lecture on Friday... "ok, be sure to read the rest of the Iliad for Monday. Also, be sure to read Plato's Republic, Plato's Apology, the Sophists, and the Pre-Socratics as found online."
600 + 40 + 12 + 10 +10 pages later...
2 hour lecture on Monday... "ok, be sure to read the Oresteia (in its entirety) for Wednesday!"
400 pages later...
2 hour lecture today... "well, bye everyone!"
           "What, no reading?! No homework?!"
       "Of course not; that's absurd!"
           "O.o"
       "You have your midterm on Friday! Study everything we've talked about and all the literature we've covered. You'll need write a 7ish page in-depth analysis of major themes and how they correlate between different pieces we've studies, as well as the correlation of literature to history and major paradigm shifts in the community. You'll also need to be able to identify and discuss passages from each of the texts by both author and title, as well as where the passage falls within the storyline. I would advise that you re-read what we've covered and focus on important passages. Know the authors, the titles, the main themes, the historical background, the contextual significance, and, well, everything else. Good luck!"

1,672 pages of literature, 29 pages of historical context, 51 pages of introduction, and 34 pages of notes later...

Love me spring term.

The Pursuit of Happiness (kid cudi)

Walking down the streets of Vegas, I remember seeing worn-out people going about their worn-out lives, thinking how strange it was that they seemed to have nowhere to be, no one to need to talk to, nothing to do. They always had some sort of wall up between them and me: a hood, headphones, big baggy clothes... whatever it was that just said, "I'm doin me, so don't come bustin in on my thoughts." They'd walk by me struttin' their swag and I thought how different we were.

Now I'm one of them, walking the streets with my hood up, jamming to headphones. I walk aimlessly and occasionally loiter, waiting for homies to get off work so we can kick it, looking for something to interest me in between the fun times. Waiting to hang is like waiting for your next high; you start getting jittery and restless, but there's nothing you can do except wait, cause your supplier is running late.

But here's the thing: I'm not just waiting on people; I'm waiting on the world.

Waking up at 4 in the morning because you forgot to eat the day before and your body is hungry: uncool.

Not being able to get back to sleep: uncool-er.

Falling asleep in a really important lecture: eh, could go either way.

Dear Moon

"Dear moon, could I maybe have this talk with you, moon? Maybe just a walk with you, moon?" (I've listened to this song at least 25 times in the last hour. I love it. Thank you The Blue Aces.)

Today. Today is the day I decided to drown my thoughts in nothingness and embrace the fact that life goes on whether we like it or not, and all we can do is try to make tomorrow better than today. Cheers. Tomorrow will be better.

Dinosaur

You were my friend first. Now you're my relief society president, and I can never hang out with you because I feel like you're trying to be an ecclesiastical leader, not a friend. Let's just go back to being friends; you can be an rsp for everyone else, but I need you to only be my friend. Thanks :)

Hector

I am in love with a man who may or may not exist. I'm really hoping that he exists.

L-I-F-E

Life is never what you expect it to be.
In fact, as soon as you expect it, Life changes before your very eyes.

Life never goes as planned.
In fact, as soon as you plan it, Life finds a way of ruining your plans.

Life never warns you it's going to wreak havoc.
In fact, as soon as you realize the havoc Life has wreaked, the havoc is nearly over.

Life is never when, where, or with whom you think it to be.
In fact, as soon as it is, Life becomes a quest to find sometime, someplace, and someone new.

Life never lets you be.
In fact, as soon as you think you've got a break, Life fills in the gaps with stress and frustration.

Life never stops moving forward.
In fact, as soon as you suppose it's stopped, you realize Life has kept going without you.

Life is always a surprise.